College Update #5

I feel like I'm not doing a good job doing college updates. When I started this "series", I thought that I would be writing one every week and be able to look back at the posts and be like "ah! So that's what I was doing back then" and be able to relive my college experience through my own words. Seeing how spaced out my posts have been, I guess that's not the case.

I am in my sophomore year of college now. Crazy, right? I can't believe it either. My friends are turning 20 one by one and here I am still stuck in the limbo of 19, just old enough to vote, drink in Canada, but not consider myself an adult at heart.

I moved out of my house into an apartment with three other high-achieving, wonderful friends to do our virtual fall quarter. It's been about a week so far and I'm happy to say that our living situation isn't bothersome at all. Maybe this will change in the coming weeks, who knows.

I have taught myself how to cook with lots of tips from my mom, and I've been trying to cook dinner every night. It actually isn't as hard as I thought. And the food is tasting pretty nice. I think I'm ready to be a mom.

Just kidding. You THOUGHT.

Balancing two shows at once in addition to an arts internship hasn't been great for scheduling and I've been booked every hour of every day. I'm both happy about it and mad about it. I'm mad in the sense that I don't really have a lot of downtime for myself and it makes me stressed out to know that I am 5 events into the day with 7 more to go. But at the same time, I'm happy about it because I don't know what I would do with myself if I didn't have this crazy schedule. Sitting on the couch doing nothing but looking at your phone makes me feel disgusting, like I'm wasting my own time.

If you know me well, you know that I'm always go, go, go, never taking a break and never taking time for myself because I need to live in alternate spaces where productivity exists outside of my body. I don't know how other students manage themselves when they don't have something to occupy their time. It kills me inside every time I open Instagram and lose one minute of my day scrolling through some selfies.

I think (actually, I KNOW) that this is an unhealthy mentality because it skews not only the way I commit to jobs and extracurriculars but also the way I commit to people. Especially with the pandemic raging outside, I've begun to see everything as temporary. It's like I live two months ahead in the future when my body is trapped in the present.

This college update has been less of a college update than it has been a mental health update, but mental health care is part of college. Tune in for next time when I'm probably gonna be done with shows and entering my junior year of college.