College Update #4

I am sitting. Alone. In my room.

I feel like I’m kind of in a gray area right now in terms of what is home and what is temporary. Granted, everything is temporary and home is what we make of our surroundings.

I just got home from Thanksgiving break and I feel like I did back in my hometown where it’s home but it doesn’t feel like you totally belong.

I know that my dorm is very dead right now because half the people aren’t moved in and they’re all coming in tomorrow, but I don’t feel 100% grounded in the environment which I’m afraid will influence my work.

It’ll take time, I know. I also know the stress of finals and presentations is eating me alive right now, and writing is keeping my mind off of it.

Having a blog is such a self-bestowed gift because a personal blog is basically like a journal for the world to see. Every page is wide open for every person to read and I’m letting my thoughts be known to the public for anyone to discuss and for anyone to share. It’s kind of scary.

Part of me thinks this feeling is mostly due to my heater not working right now.

But it’s too late, I’m already deep inside my feels.

When I get super stressed, I set my homework aside and open my laptop and just write about anything. I suppose that’s why this blog is so scattered in terms of ideas. Sometimes I want to be superficial and funny, but there are other times where I seriously need to vent ideas out because they occupy my mind.

I think that it’s true when people say that the brain has a certain multitasking capacity. I can’t think about personal problems or my feelings if I’m trying to focus really hard on an important assignment or project. Those are two very powerful beings that take up too much space in my mind.

Having a blog preserves those feelings and thoughts. This site is my second, more emotional mind. And I love being able to look back and read the me from two months ago.

Comparing yourself to yourself is kind of fun when you don’t delve too deep. I feel happier when I read the posts about being happy.

I also find that I don’t take the advice I’m giving others, so reading my own advice helps me reevaluate myself. It’s true in the sense that we don’t listen to our morally grounded selves to better our personas.

I highly encourage people to blog. It’s not self-absorbed; it’s just self-care.